You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
