I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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