Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize
