you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
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I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You are a genius and a whore.
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