using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
