I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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