It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Randomize
