dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
