If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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