I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
