That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
