You can't motorboat a personality
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
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There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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