Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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