He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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