am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
