did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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