Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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