thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
