I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
