wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
