I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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