i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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