just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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