I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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