Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
