Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
