my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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