I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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