I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
