I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
