is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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