Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
