He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
