Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My vagina just clenched in fear
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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