He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
