There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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