i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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