was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
