Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
