Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
