How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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