True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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