I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
