Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
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It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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