I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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