Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
