I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
