her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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