Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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