We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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