yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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