What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
