I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
