Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
