I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
