Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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