does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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