Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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