She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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