if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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