You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
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