i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
