I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
