Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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