My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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