Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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