That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
