fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
