just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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