he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
this just has baby written all over it
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
