I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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