I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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