yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
